Magical

Sometimes I wake up and feel stuck.  Disoriented.  Yet I know that a special power lay at my fingertips.  Unsure what the future holds, there's one unique moment upon waking, when I get to decide.  Oh there's many more throughout the day but this one is distinctive in my life.

One moment when I get to choose how the day will unfold.

Sometimes my health isn't good and I wake up with pain.  On those days, I try to force a smile and embrace the hope that faking it will make it.  Sometimes, I can't do it.  Sometimes I just want to go back to bed, skipping even the coffee.  (And anyone that knows me knows that that is NO SMALL deal).

I throw some clothing on and make it down the stairs.  My yellow composition book is waiting for me on the coffee table, I grab it and head outside to "my spot" at our cafe table and chair set that overlooks a blue morning sky and tribe of trees.

I start with rambles.  "I did not want to get out of bed today," and go on from there.

Sometimes its monotonous and reminds me of the diary that I had as a young child but then other times, when I sit and listen, describing the world around me, it's as if the world speaks back.

Birds sing, squirrels argue and the butterfly comes to say hello.

Who can stay stuck and disoriented when beauty comes to kiss your cheek?  "Today is going to be a magical day," I say out loud.

Right there.  For me, its always right there.  After writing has saved me, I get to decide how my day will turn out.

And I say it will be magical.

I've Learned To Be OK With Getting Lost

There's a sacred calming sometimes in starting new rituals, like sitting with a new book of a favorite poet. 

There's a thundering fear sometimes in starting new rituals, like a grey sky announcing a storm is on the horizon.

Usually this is where I get stuck:

What if I don't make it?  What if it doesn't work?  What if once again I move onto something new?

The doubting begins.

Like loading the car up for a new adventure.  I begin, unsure where the road will take me, unsure which routes are in need of a detour.. and in case you didn't know, I'm a bit directionally challenged.  

It's as if my GPS has a weak wire, it isn't turning on and I'm left with only me and my intuition.  I'm left with a decision to just go for it or turn around and head back towards the familiar.

Yet this time, I choose to leap fearlessly and hope that my wings form in the process of descending.

I've learned to be OK
with getting lost.

This is scary.  This.  Learning to trust myself.  This.  Asking questions.

This living from the inside out.

I stretch my arms up to the sky,
asking nature to speak to me as I stand like a warrior.

It has begun.

Unsure where it will lead but doing it anyway.